I’m taking an international flight in a couple weeks, and I’m wondering if they’ll let me carry my guitar on board. I was on the “Fragile and Perishable Items” page of the United Airlines website trying to figure this out, and I found this curious paragraph. It was actually its own section, right under “Seafood.”

Zamzam Water

United Airlines will accept one jerry can containing up to 10 liters (2.64 gallons) of Zamzam water as checked baggage at no extra charge.

The jerry can must be properly packed in a plastic covering to avoid leakage and damage to other bags.

Jerry cans containing Zamzam water are not permitted as carry-on or in cabin baggage.

If more than one jerry can is checked, the extra jerry cans will be subject to excess baggage charges.

What in the HELL? What is Zamzam water? For crying out loud. They’re talking about this Zamzam water and these jerry cans like these are things everyone knows about. I’ve been on this earth for 33 years, and I don’t have the foggiest clue. Am I a dumdum? These words don’t even ring a bell, like, “Ohhh yeah, jerry cans — those are those, you know, those… ohh, it’s on the tip of my tongue!” No, friends, it is not on the tip of my tongue. It’s not even close to the tip of my tongue. It’s not anywhere near my tongue at all. I can promise you that this is the first time I’ve ever heard these words, that no one has ever mentioned a jerry can in my presence, nor Zamzam water. Especially not Zamzam water. I would remember that.

They’re definitely things they use on “The Flintstones,” or on Mars, though, right? I’m just making sure. And if I can take “Zamzam water” and “jerry cans” (obviously items from Mars) on my international flight, surely, goodness and mercy they’ll let me take my guitar… right?

One Response to What?

  1. chansuke says:

    Zamzam water I can understand. But everyone knows what jerry cans are!

    Jerry cans are those gas cans you see stuck to the side of a Jeep or Humvee. Kind of odd the regulations would specifically mention this style of container, but whatever, airline regs are as murky as the tax code.

    Zamzam water is water from an Islamic holy well in Saudi Arabia. As much as I wish that I knew that off the top of my head, I had to look that up. With a name like zamzam water I hoped it would give you super powers or something.

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