Your Breath Smells… Musky

I’ve decided that the “Wall Street Cafe” downstairs in my office building buys all their food at a big discount warehouse that sells things nobody else wants. Like, they have Starburst, but only the tropical flavors. And they have Orbit gum, but only the two strangest flavors: citrus and sweet mint. I am actually quite fond of sweet mint, but that is a sheer coincidence. They also have Eclipse gum, but only “Cinnamon Inferno.” No other flavors. Personally, I do not want to put anything with the name “Inferno” into my mouth, much less chew on it for an hour. Yikes! They have two other brands of cinnamon-only gum, and then you stumble across the Beechies. Yes, the brand of gum called Beechies. The flavors are: strawberry (normal), violet (not normal — I smelled it, and it smells like a Glade Plug-In), Apricot Passion (didn’t smell this one), and the most baffling of all: Musk. Do you think I’m making this up? I’m not, and to prove it, I took a photograph:

Stuff2 003.jpg

I smelled this Musk gum, and as the name describes, it smells like cheap drugstore cologne mixed with a hint of B.O. Why, oh why would anyone want to put something that tastes like an awkward adolescent boy into their mouth? WTF?? Oh, and did you notice the “Stride” gum on the top left? Stride?? Have y’all ever heard of that? I might get confused and think I was at the 99-cent store, but unfortunately all of these things cost more than 99 cents.

OK, moving on: If you want some Corn Nuts, go to the Wall Street Cafe downstairs in my building, and you can get every flavor ever created. Surprisingly, many of these are actually missing, meaning people eat them. Even more surprisingly, the “chili picante” flavor (far right) seems especially popular.
Corn Nuts

I would say about 95% of the Wall Street Cafe consists of weird junk food. They even have several flavors of Warheads candy, which I’m pretty sure I haven’t eaten since I was 14. Is this an office building or a high school football game concession stand? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

In fact, you know what it reminds me of? When I was in middle school, they built a supermarket nearby called the “Grocery Outlet.” My friend Devin aptly called it the “Groce-Out” for short. Here they sold food that was expired, dented, usually stale, and otherwise unappealing to everyone but my mother and people just like her. Somehow the moms thought it was the best thing to hit Asheville, North Carolina, and that it would be a good idea to drag their children along for two-hour-long shopping trips.

Anyway, I’m tempted to get a pack of the musk gum just to let you know what it’s like to chew on someone’s deodorant. If I get the courage I’ll keep you posted.

2 Responses to Your Breath Smells… Musky

  1. joanna says:

    I admit, shopping with mom at “the G.O.”, or “the Go”, as we (still) call it, was not so much fun, but you really should go by yourself and give it a second chance. I mean, don’t buy produce or bread there, but cheap cereal and the overpriced “spice Islands” brand spices that are only 99 cents there have made me a fan. Oo! And mom got this beautiful, amazing Easter lily there for like, a buck fifty, too. I kinda wish we had a GO in Durham, but if that were the case, I wouldn’t see lots of Joys and Janes shopping, I’d probably see….scary people. So nevermind. It’s strange, I’ve never encountered a Grocery Outlet anywhere but in the vicinity of Asheville….hmmm
    By the way, Marcy E-lizard-breath, I just finally caught up with your blog for the last few days. My own album and blout out?!? I am humbled and grateful, truely. :)
    Love to you. :-* (That’s kind of a sideways smooch, like if I was hugging you and smooching in the general direction of your cheek at the same time.)

  2. Amanda says:

    I just saw a commercial for Stride gum. How ironical is that?

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