Sometimes It’s Good Not to Know What You’re Missing… On the Other Hand, Warm Buns Are Nice

Joanna and Jay, your requests and dedications are coming soon, but first we must discuss how I drove my roommate’s newish SAAB to work today while my oldish Mazda is in the shop, and how I am now spoiled forever.

I shall discuss some points of the newish SAAB and also some items regarding my oldish Mazda.

First, so as not to hurt my Mazda’s feelings, I would like to give it props for having a V-6 engine and being very powerful, and also providing a notably smooth ride for both driver and passenger. Also, I enjoy the way I can adjust my seat up to the tiniest minutia with the automatic and user-friendly seat adjusting buttons, one of which is shaped like a peanut, which I find charming. And finally, my Mazda has a great-sounding stereo system.

However: Within mere seconds of turning on the SAAB this morning, my butt began to feel cozy and warm, due to the amazing seat warming device. Today was the coldest morning in a while, but my warm butt made me feel snuggly and contented, like a cat in the sun. Also, the reason my Mazda is in the shop is because it’s doing this lurching thing when going from idling to moving, and it’s getting super annoying. The SAAB, on the other hand, zips along powerfully yet shifts smoothly in all gears. Thirdly, the SAAB smells like new leather and refinement, and conjures images of smoking jackets and mint juleps on the veranda, whereas my Mazda smells like dirty socks, invoking visions of… dirty socks.

In conclusion, I like refinement and warm buns, and therefore must get a new car STAT.

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