A Classy New Year to You, Too, Ma’am

So… 2007 is here. So far in the New Year, in reverse order, I have gotten a ticket for running a stop sign, have taken a short but beautiful road trip, and have shouted my S.A.T. scores to a stranger.

Wikki-wikki-what??? Yeah, I did.

I was drunk.

But I mean, this woman shut the door to the hotel in front of my friends and me as we were walking in — literally pulled it shut behind her right in our faces, and said, “Go find another hotel.” Who does that? We didn’t know her at all; she was a total stranger who just felt like being all exclusive for no reason. Well, rather than take her kind advice, we went on in, and saw her getting on the elevator. One of our friends walked up to the elevator door and said, “Hey, it’s our friend!” and I stepped around him and chimed in, extra chipper-like, “Oh, Hey, are you the one who shut the door in our face???” Except I’m not sure, but it may have gone more like, “Are you the bitch who shut the door in our face?” And she shouted, “Get out of my face, bitch!”, and I shouted “Oh yeah? Why don’t YOU get out of MY face, bitch?” (one of my better comebacks). The elevator door shut, then opened, and she said something dumb that I don’t remember now, to which I said, “Ooooo, real intelligent comeback!” Luckily she seemed to have forgotten the super-smart retort I had just used and just said something about me not being intelligent, so really, my only option was to offer her proof of my mental acuity by shouting my SAT scores (from 10 years ago) at her. Right? I mean, right?? Then, for emphasis, I gave her the verbal/math breakdown as the doors were sliding shut again. “XXX VERBAL AND XXX MATH, BABY!” So I got the last word. And that’s what counts, right? Pure class on my part. And good thing I did well on the verbal portion, because those skills really helped me out in that exchange… uhhhhhh…

Well… Those were my first moments of 2007. I was in San Diego spending the holiday with my friend Elise. The next day, New Year’s Day, I drove home as the sun was going down. I left at 3:30, and it was a bright orange ball hovering over the ocean, reflecting glittery yellow on the water. As I drove north, it gradually sunk lower and the sky got oranger. Near L.A. the freeway curved around so that I was facing west, and magnificent color surrounded me on all sides. Then it curved again, and the shiny buildings downtown on my east side were reflecting back the oranges, reds, and yellows of the setting sun. I felt small but totally alive, and it was the perfect way to usher in a new year.

And it’s good that I had that experience, because this morning I got a ticket on the way to work. It’s not like I didn’t stop at the stop sign, but admittedly I probably pulled the old roll-stop maneuver, which I guess could be argued as something other than an actual stop. Sigh. That said, the cop was the nicest on-duty cop by far that I have ever encountered, and was also young and incredibly good looking, causing me to feel conflicting things, because he did, after all, give me a ticket. Whatever.

So that’s my year so far. As with my 27th birthday, I have high hopes, partly because years that end in sevens tend to be good ones for me. 1987 and 1997 were both totally badass, so I’m thinking 2007 has some good things in store. I hope y’all have a good one, too.

6 Responses to A Classy New Year to You, Too, Ma’am

  1. Wan says:

    Giiiirrrrlllll, I always knew you were a badass!!!

  2. Rachel says:

    OMG. That is so super funny! I tend to do the something similar, where I feel the need to constantly affirm my brilliance through a long-winded and un-provoked narrative concerning my scolastic history. This is unfortunately (and embarrassingly) delivered to whomever is within ear shot, even thought the conversation had previously concerned “Cheetos: Dangerously Cheesy??” Perhaps being drunk unearths some insecurities about my intelligence? Me thinks so. AND. I totally agree with you: 2007 will ROCK! Happy New Year, Frood!

  3. Amanda says:

    That lady had some weird issues. I’m proud of you for yelling your SAT score and if I do remember correctly, it was well worth sharing. I would have probably said, “I’m glad I’m not as insecure as you obviously are.” What a crazy ho…..it’s what makes the world go around these days.
    Happy New Year to you too!

  4. Elise says:

    GO MARCE!!

    As Eleanor Roosevelt says, “Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” I can attest that this was a good way to set the standard for assertiveness in the New Year–as I was there, albeit cowering behind a pillar while you faced the beast. I will strive to learn from your example. Happy F***ING NEW YEAR!

  5. 1peanut says:

    Ha. Drunken arguments never get old.
    Happy New Year!

  6. Next time you should throw out your SAT 2’s just to really rub it in. And maybe your ACT’s and then tell her how you did on an internet IQ as well.

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