BaddMinton

I don’t complain much on this blog, do I? I mean, not counting complaining about automatic-flush toilets, but that’s only because they are made by demons and if you look far down enough into the bowl you can see glimpses of hell.

But usually I’m pretty upbeat. So I decided I get a free pass today. I’m going to complain about everything I can think of to comlain about, and I’m already getting excited just thinking about it. In the wise words of Oscar the Grouch, “Don’t let the sunshine spoil your rain. Just stand up and complain!”

I had a cockroach incident last night, in my bedroom. I’m not going to go into too many details because I would probably throw up in my mouth, but let’s just say this is the second grossest cockroach incident I have ever had. And I was the only one awake and therefore had no moral support whatsoever when dealing with this trauma. And at the risk of making you throw up in your mouth, I just have to say that something was wrong with this cockroach, and he had left puddles of brown goo on the floor, and my guitar was sitting right there (and thank GOODNESS it was unharmed), and on top of the guitar was a blanket I really like, which dragged in the goo and is now tainted forever. Hold on, I’m going to go inhale some white-out, which will hopefully kill my short-term memory cells so I never have to think of that again.

OK, back. I really did smell some white-out, but only because it smells good. If it kills those brain cells, all the better.

Not surprisingly after that indicent, I had nightmares all night. Scary, scary nightmares involving not only cockroaches and various scary crustaceans, but also aliens landing on Earth with the purpose to destroy us. There was a spaceship, lots of panic, running, mass destruction, planes crashing, a tsunami, more running, climbing a tree, some more running, and more general panic. It sucked, not to mention including pretty much every possible terrifying thing that could possibly be packed into one dream. Then I woke up with a sore neck and a headache, which has only gotten worse as the day has progressed.

I have to be at work until 8 PM. I have one word for that: BARF. (one of my top ten favorite words).

My hair is totally crazy and frizzy today. I look like a homeless person. Also, I was too unmotivated to put on mascara or de-shine my face this morning, and my eyes are all red and squinty. I do not look dissimilar to a baby gerbil. A rubbery, homeless, newborn baby gerbil.

OUCH, MY NECK IS KILLING ME. WTF!??? (By the way, when other people write WTF! to me, I pretend to think they mean, “Wow, That’s Funny!” It cracks me up).

Well, I can actually think of quite a bit more to complain about, but I find I lack the motivation to continue. And that’s probably a blessing in disguise. A not-very-good disguise, either. Like, a blessing in a cheap glasses-nose-and-mustache disguise. OK, it’s just a blessing, in no disguise at all. It’s even wearing a nametag: “Hello, my name is: Blessing.”