Steamy Regards, Roger J. Pennywhistle

I hate it when people sign letters or emails with “Regards.” I think it started several years ago when someone I was dating was mad at me and signed an email that way instead of the usual sweet & sexy signoff. I replied with an email to the effect of, “WHAT IN PETE’S NAME ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL? REGARDS?????”

I don’t like it because you don’t know where you stand with “regards.” It may be good or it may be bad. “Best Regards” is one thing, because, well, you’re giving someone your very best regards! What could be better? But “Regards” could mean anything! Worst Regards, Hostile Regards, Bored Regards, Condescending Regards, Sinister Regards, Snarky Regards, or any number of unpleasant regards.

At my former job, I mentioned my distaste for the “r” word to my friend Rebecca, and we began signing emails to each other with various types of regards, including, but not limited to, Sleepy, Hungry, Thirsty, Distracted, Sexy, Slutty, Steamy, Delicious, Cantankerous, Ornery, etc.

If I ever send you an email and sign it just “Regards,” know what? You are on my shit list. That’s my way of giving you the finger in written word form. It’s the “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” methodology of signing off. If I’m not specific with my regards, you can bet they’re bad ones.

In conclusion, I am tired and don’t know how to end this blentry. Except by saying:

Sticky Regards,

Marcy

(Don’t know why, just picked “sticky.” Got a problem with it? Fine! I’ll be sending you my regards).

3 Responses to Steamy Regards, Roger J. Pennywhistle

  1. Wan says:

    On the converse side of the argument, I have trouble with signoffs because I want to write “Love, Wan” to everyone I know, including (inappropriately) my bosses.
    So thanks for the heads up re: re’s.
    Love,
    Wan.

  2. C says:

    You used to say the same about ‘All the best’.

  3. marcyminton says:

    Oh yeah, you used that one, too! You bastard, you always knew how to get my goat.

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