Talk to Me, Goose
Oh, Did You Know? I’m a Genius.
I’ve got the post-it certificate to prove it (see exhibit A) (and thank you, Rebecca) and lots of other hard evidence… but most importantly, while driving home from work yesterday at breakneck speed, a flash of inspiration hit me like an enemy bogey. I decided that from that very moment onward, I am going to always answer my phone by saying, “Talk to me, Goose.”
Is that the most brilliant thing you’ve ever heard, or what? And if you’ve been living alone in a cave since 1986, eating nuts and berries and bathing in a nearby stream and don’t know what I’m talking about, you need to go to the store right this very minute and get a copy of Top Gun, which btw is the absolute best movie ever (for evidence of this fact, see exhibit B), and watch it over and over and over. And even on the seventy billionth time you watch it, just try not to cry when Goose dies. Just try. I dare you.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Very good reasons why Top Gun is the best movie ever
1. Tom Cruise in his absolute heyday. Yes, he is now a stark raving lunatic and has always been the size of a common household elf, but in that movie, he is just Maverick, the smokin’ hot, sexy, misunderstood bad-boy fighter pilot with a smile that will make the pants of any woman nearby spontaneously fall off. mmmm hmmmm.
2. The volleyball scene. ‘Nuff said.
3. A kick-ass soundtrack full of songs that inspire immediate action. “Danger Zone” makes me want to drive fast and punch things. “Take my breath away” makes me want to do naughty things with boys outside of marriage. And naturally, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” gives me the overwhelming urge to sing off-key to strangers with the expectation that they will fall in love with me.
4. This timeless line: “I feel the need… the need for speed!” — an appropriate thing to shout in nearly any situation — a stuffy dinner party, debutante ball, or political debate, for example.
5. Meg Ryan pre-scary plastic surgery
I could go on all day. Give me a call and we can talk some more about it. Yes… call me on the phone, and talk. to me … (goose).
GOOSE DIES??? In that low budgeted, unassuming, nuanced, subtle movie is there a DEATH??? Man, now I won’t even bother going down to Visart to rent THAT particular VHS tape.
That’s hilarious and very true about Top Gun. Tom only went down hill from there. I have a friend who has not seen the movie and it was just utterly unbelievable. Only thing, if you called me and said talk to me goose, I might have to run around in a circle with you chasing me and get back to my spot before you do……just a thought.
Will never forget you sighing during that moviw, think it’s where he get’s on the motor cycle. All I can think of is this:
“Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it’s a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It’s about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You’ve got Maverick, all right? He’s on the edge, man. He’s right on the fucking line, all right? And you’ve got Iceman, and all his crew. They’re gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they’re saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she’s heterosexuality. She’s saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They’re saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what’s going on throughout that whole movie… He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they’re going to have sex, you know, they’re just kind of sitting back, he’s takin’ a shower and everything. They don’t have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She’s like, “What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?” Next scene, next scene you see her, she’s in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She’s got the cap on, she’s got the aviator glasses, she’s wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy’s going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I’ll do that through subterfuge, I’m gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they’re beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it’s over, and they fucking land, and Iceman’s been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he’s got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They’re all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, “Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!” And what does Maverick say? “You can ride mine!” Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin’ A, man!”
- Sleep With Me –
Quentin Tarantino & Todd Field