Shady Business

I need some window coverings, STAT, you guys. I’ve recently moved into a new bedroom, and whilst before I liked to complain that my room was a cave, now I long for its cool shadyness (See photo of my then-underappreciated shady room below in Appendix A). My new room has four windows arranged in such a way that there is at all times of the day direct sunlight on my bed. Naps must be taken squinched up in the crack between the bed and wall, as that is the only shady section. I have to get up butt-ass early even on weekends now because the temperature shoots up 15 degrees at 9:00 and keeps rising as the sun ascends. At night it’s not much better, because there’s a streetlight outside that shines directly in my eyes unless I build my blankets into a sort of shield between it and my face and hold very still until I fall asleep, so as not to disturb the shield.

You may think I’m making too a big deal out of this, but alas, I am not the only victim of this cruel fate. Please refer to Appendix B and note how the sun is burning the retinas of my little bear friend Chocolate Chip. The only way she can express herself is through her eyes — I mean, cha, of course she can’t talk, you guys, she is a bear, and bears do not speak to humans. But now her retinas have been temporarily burned out, and she is blind and can no longer communicate to me with her eyes. Also, she has a tail that squeaks to express both joy and outrage, usually when someone squishes her with his elbow, ahem. However, C.Chip is old in stuffed bear years. I adopted her when I was 2, and she was probably born in the factory before that, so she really is no spring chicken. Lately, due to age, her tail squeaker has taken to getting lost up in her body and I have to squeeze her and squeeze her to work it back down into her tail, and right now it’s up in her polyester fiberfill somewhere and she has no way to get any kind of point across, which must be very frustrating for her.

This is a long way of telling you that people, I need some curtains. I know, I know, I should just get some, but when do y’all have time for all this stuff?? Seriously, what do you guys do with your time? I work 40 hours a week, have classes, practices, and meetings, try to play instruments, see my friends once in a while, do the occasional load of laundry, get some exercise, and that leaves time for very little else. The answer here is clear: I obviously need to book a sweet acting gig so I’ll only have one job and not a thousand. Or if anyone knows of a fun part-time job that will pay me a lot, by all means, give me a shout.

Chocolate Chip and I will both give you hugs to thank you. (You’ll actually have to be the one to hug her; her stubby arms make it a little difficult to initiate, and plus, she won’t be able to see where you are).

Appendix A: In which Chocolate Chip relaxes in my old room and does not get her retinas burned out
My_room 001a.jpg

Appendix B: In which Chocolate Chip becomes temporarily blind

July_a_2007 030a.jpg

Appendix C: In which Chocolate Chip becomes blind from another angle

July_a_2007 031b.jpg

4 Responses to Shady Business

  1. Eric says:

    In the meantime, just put aluminum foil on the windows. It should reflect some heat off the windows, and provide you with an impenetrable barrier to the sun, leaving your room pitch black.

    The resulting psychosis, and pale skin is a small side effect, but worth it to avoid the blazing judgmental eyes of the wicked sun.

  2. wan says:

    I got blackout curtains (that aren’t black) from Linens N Things for a relatively cheap price. Be warned, you will not know what time of day it is.

  3. Annie says:

    I suggest like Wan says those Vegas style curtains. You could also have those and then use them in conjunction with like a roll down style that could let some, but not tons of light in when you don’t want to block out all light.

  4. marcyminton says:

    Thanks for the suggestions, y’all. I will take all of them into consideration… especially the foil one.

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