Swimming Poop, Cover and Pump Included

So… A couple weeks ago, my neighbors put a cardboard box out next to the trash with a paper sign taped to it that said, “Swimming pool with cover and pump,” hoping someone would come pick it up. Nobody did, and so it sat there for a few days, and then someone moved it right next to our front steps. Why they would do this I don’t know, because I mean, duh, clearly the kiddie pool didn’t belong to any of the neighbors on either side of us who both have young kids; clearly it should be the responsibility of the house full of four adults who obviously would be the only people to leave a baby pool outside in a box.

Anyway.

At work last week, my co-worker Justin and I were having a conversation across our cubicle wall. It went something like this:

“Did you have a nice lunch, Justin?”

“Yes, I went to Target.”

“Did you buy any fun things?”

“Oh, not really, you know… Actually I was looking for a pool. I think I want to get a pool, like a kiddie pool.”

“So here’s the deal. There’s a pool that’s been sitting outside my house for the last week. Do you want it?”

So anyway, that was Thursday, and that night I put the box of pool in the trunk of my car so I could give it to Justin at work on Monday. So it rode around in my car all weekend including Friday, and then he wasn’t here on Monday, and yesterday was so busy I didn’t have a chance to go get it for him… So for 6 days that box has been in my trunk.

This morning work was slower, and we went down to the parking garage to get it. I pulled it out of the trunk, and he stretched it out to look at it. There was another piece of vinyl in there, and we’re like, “What’s this?” “Oh, the cover,” and then he pulls out a little blue plastic bag and goes, “What’s this?”
And for a fraction of a hair of a second, I was thinking, “the pump?” And then a horrible realization dawned, and I said, praying it wasn’t true, “A sack of dog shit?”

And it was.

People.

I have been driving around town for nearly a week with a pile of DOG CRAP. in my car. And to make matters more ridiculous, all week I’ve been like, “Why does my car smell so bad?” Yesterday I spent my entire lunch break at the car wash, vacuuming every inch of the interior, except for the trunk. Why did it never occur to me that someone would have kindly placed a bag of feces in the box that had been sitting in my trunk for the last week? I don’t know, maybe I had somehow maintained a shred of faith in humanity? Because who does that? Who puts a pile of poop in a pool box?

2 Responses to Swimming Poop, Cover and Pump Included

  1. Amanda says:

    This is probably the funniest story I’ve heard all day….yep, its the funniest.

  2. Keith D. says:

    After the reunion I looked you and Amanda up, and added you both to my RSS reader. This is very entertaining–you’re funny. Just wanted to let you know cause I hate feeling like I’m stalking :)

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