Addendum to Insurance Rant

I got to thinking just now. I wonder what the executives at my insurance company (American Heritage Life Insurance Company, part of Allstate Workplace Division) (in case anyone is googling it to see if it’s any good) (it isn’t) is doing with all the money I’m sending them each week. I know one thing they’re NOT doing with it, and that is helping me pay for my medical expenses. So what do you reckon they’re using it for?

Maybe they go to the zoo each week — the whole company just takes a zoo day. Hey, that might also explain why I have to wait on hold for so long when I call! They can’t answer the phone, because they’re all at the zoo buying lemonades with my money! I think we’re getting somewhere with this.

Maybe they order things out of those catalogs for old people, like rubber mats you put in front of the sink, or theraputic toe-separating slippers, or suction-cup handles you stick on the shower wall to help you get in and out of the tub. You think? They sure could buy a lot of those things with my money, because I sure do send them a lot of it!

Maybe they rent limousines every weekend and get dressed up and drive around their cities drinking booze, hanging out the sunroof, and catcalling passersby.

Maybe they buy ugly, gaudy gold jewelry, or bad Christmas sweaters, or golf shoes. Or maybe they just put it toward their country club memberships. Or maybe they get their shoes shined 10 times a day.

Or maybe they give it to charity, because they’re so interested in helping people and making the world a better place. HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! Ohhhhh.

Do y’all have any speculations? I’d love to hear them!

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