Archive for the ‘Dumb Stuff I Do’ Category

Really Gunning for a Raise

January 30, 2007

So I was just in a meeting for like 25 minutes in which one other person and I were sitting directly across a table from my boss, and after about 15 of those minutes, I looked down to realize the top FOUR buttons of my shirt were undone, giving any onlooker an unrestricted view of my bra and cleavage. I hastily buttoned them, and then suddenly had the urge to laugh because there is no way my boss didn’t just see what happened, and I sat there trying to wipe the embarrassed smirk off my face and appear as though I were paying total attention to what we were talking about. I tried using things I learned in my college acting classes, like focusing on something concrete in front of me, like the writing on my water bottle, my hands, the table, the thumb tack I had been playing with — but the harder I tried the harder it got and the more smirky I became. It’s just classic, is all.

If a Native American, or “AmerIndian” Reads this I am So in trouble.

January 9, 2006

Let me preface this by saying I am still buzzed off a very strong French martini I had at dinner. Now, on to business:

Tonight I went to the Cheescake Factory with Jeff, Eric and Mike. As we were paying our bill, we started talking about which presidents were on which bills. Mike, who is finishing his college degree after a stint in the army, recently took a Women’s Studies class and asked if we knew who the only woman on a piece of U.S. money was. Eric answered that it was Susan B. Anthony, and I said, “NO, Sacajewea, too!”

“Who’s Sacajewea?”

“She was an Indian woman!” said Jeff. “She helped Lewis & Clark!” said Eric. Not to be outdone, I piped in with my two cents (Abraham Lincoln is on the penny; there is no two-cent coin).

“She was a Saskwatch!” I exclaimed.

Confused silence.

“A Saskwatch??”

“Yeah! That’s what they called Indian women!”

“NO, a Squaw! They called them squaws.”

“Really? Well, what’s a Saskwatch?”

“BIGFOOT!”