BaddMinton

It may only be Wednesday, but who says it can’t be a

Wednesday?

Ah, man, it’s good to hear from my old friend Numbers P. Burrell. I haven’t seen Numbers in a while — his wife just had a baby. If you don’t know him, I should totally introduce you — You’ll love him. That’s actually […]

Wow, Christine, what is a feathery bootleg? Is it like a bootlegged CD? And what are the feathers for? Wait, no, you know what? Don’t even tell me; just send me one. Whatever is is, I want it.
Nope, sorry, Nettie, it’s still Wednesday. Hang in there.
No thanks, Wilda, I’m fine as a member […]

Then it’s your lucky day, because it’s

Friday! BTW, I found that picture on Google images. Isn’t it great? Click on the thumbnail for the full effect. But anyway, on to business. I’ve gotten a lot of amazing email since the last Spam Friday. Let’s discuss:

First, David Sanders needs to learn how to pronounce […]

It’s

Friday!
I just want us all to start the weekend by looking at this:

And asking ourselves, What if these were our real friends’ names??? Life would be such a funnier place. Like what if I was having a party, and these are all the people I invited? This was my guest list? You’d […]

Wow, there is so much to cover with you, I guess I’ll jump right in. Lots of big news today! Well, here goes:
One, I want to point out that in the future, time travel is apparently possible and used often. I say this because several people have emailed me from the future to approve loans […]

OMG, Ottilia Zamora is trying to sell me chili with cat meat! I don’t eat cat meat! Cats are pets! My family’s cat Otis disappeared last fall; What if Ottilia got him?! OOOOH NOOOOO!!! If you have a cat, watch out for Ottilia — She appears to be ruthless, if she’s sending […]

Hey guys, just wanted to share some good news: Both Pillow and Chloride have approved my loans!

Phew, such a relief. I also applied for loans from Blanket, Teddy Bear, and Fluoride, but haven’t heard from them yet. I’ll keep you posted.

It’s

Friday!
You’ll never believe what my friend Cosmo Belknap sent me today: The Dreaded Ho Test! Ugh.

Why does Cosmo think I need a ho test? Is he hinting at something, or is he just sending it along to be friendly, so I can make sure I haven’t accidentally become a ho? Either way, […]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! QUICK! WE HAVE TO SAVE MILDRED BOYKIN! SHE IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE! TODAY!!!

OK. I clicked on the email, and this is what it said:
Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:08:14 -0400
From: “Mildred Boykin” < novrqalirjevr@allekto.de >
Subject: will expire today
Sensationall revoolution in medicine!
E’’nlarge your p’’enis up to 10 cm or up […]

Once again, I have been enlightened by my spam folder.

According to my old friend and genius Harry Scott, Pain killers are here! You probably don’t realize this, but pain killers are things that “kill pain.”
OK, let me break it down for you: Let’s say you have a headache, right? Well: You swallow these so-called “pain […]

I got this in my spam folder last week. I was curious to find out more about the peeve cannonball that Rebecca Edwards was so keen on telling me about, but alas, my practical side kicked in, and I deleted it. I thought, “Do I really need a peeve cannonball? No, I have […]