Welcome to my new easier-to-remember blog address. Right now all I can think about is how nervous I feel. Tomorrow I’m going to tape a new game show called “Starface.” It’s pop-culture trivia, and that’s about all I know. I don’t know the format, they didn’t give us anything to study, it’s just me winging it. I meant to study Entertainment Weeklys and Sports Illustrateds this week, but I haven’t had a blessed minute to sit down and read a magazine! I bought US Weekly yesterday but all it had was the same old stuff about Katie Holmes, Jessica Simpson, and Angelena Jolie. Are there any other celebrities in the world? Because I haven’t heard about anyone but those three for seriously the last year.

Anyway. One of the “interests” I listed on my Friendster and MySpace profiles is “losing on game shows.” Because a couple years ago I went on “Shop Till You Drop” with my friend Eryn, and we lost so hard we practically went down in flames. But this one, guys, This one I plan on winning. The prize is a vacation package (hopefully not to Lake Mead, which was one of the many Shop Till You Drop prizes Eryn and I did not win). I need a vacation. Bad. Therefore, I really want to win, and therefore I am nervous. The thing is, the nervousness is what will kill me if anything will. I can be an expert on something, but when I get nervous my brain goes into top-security lockdown and won’t release any information without a complicated finger-printing, retina-scanning process, which takes a lot longer than the typical amount of time you have to answer something on a game show. Like, even super duper easy questions, like “What is your name?” Anyway, guys. I need to stop being nervous, and I need to win this thing. Please think good thoughts for me!

P.S. I just returned from my lunch break, at which I rushed to Sephora at the Manhattan Village Mall and had a whirlwind session of looking for some foundation so my face doesn’t disappear on camera, and chose among 3 kinds that all looked bad to me, but the girl said the one I got looked good and I was out of time so I got it. I hope it looks good. Plus, and this is the worst thing, and it’s all my fault because I’m a horrible procrastinator: My eyebrows are a complete disaster. Like, awful. I called my lady today hoping to get an appointment tonight after work, but not only is she not available, my backup lady is also unavailable! What am I going to do? I’ll tell you, and it’s terrible. I have to pluck and trim them myself, which I am horrible at. No matter how thoroughly I think I’m plucking them, they never look neat when I’m done. What can I do? Do I trust someone new with my brows? They might ruin them! Can I go to my lady in the morning? It might work if my show gets taped in the afternoon, but if they tape it in the morning (and i have no way of knowing in advance), my eyelids will be all red. No, I don’t think either of those are options. I think all I can do is try and pluck them myself. Shoot, shoot, shoot!

P.P.S. Don’t forget to think happy, winning thoughts, and pray with all your might. I want this vacation!

Nathan has alerted me to the coolest thing ever to hit the internet: The “Stumble-Upon” feature in Firefox. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Do This Now: Go to mozilla.com and Download Firefox. (This is the browser you should be using anyway because it is a billion times cooler and better than Internet Explorer). Once you have it up and running, go here and download “Stumble-Upon.” Check the boxes for things that interest you, then start hitting the “Stumble” button in the top left. It will take you to websites you never knew existed, all based around the topics you selected!

In other nerd news, I got a webhost and have been trying to manually upload WordPress so that someday I’ll be able to use my own lovely domain name. The “famous five-minute install” is taking me f-ing forever. Is it possible to be a dumb nerd? Methinks so.

Dear Lovely Readers,

If you usually access my blog through www.baddminton.com, it won't work for the next few days.  I'm in the process of moving my blog there permanently, but in the meantime, it won't be forwarded from there to here.  SO: until I tell you otherwise, please use www.baddminton.wordpress.com.  Or if you'd rather, use www.baddminton.net or www.baddminton.org.  Thanks!

2 phones ago I had a cute little baby blue / Carolina blue Motorola shaped like a styrofoam peanut, and when I got a text message or voicemail, the sound that played was called "Bits & Bytes." It went, "Boo-duh-ly Doo-duh-ly Doop! Boo-duh-ly Doo-duh-ly Doop!" So I am calling my blentry for today "Bits & Bytes," because it's just a little collection of things.

Funny Search Engine Terms of the Day: People found my blog by searching for these things:

palm tree over the toilet stand

+handicap +wiping +butt

retarded clown, photos

pictures of cheesy guys

I am reading: Live the Life You Love by Barbara Sher. I recently finished her book, I Could Do Anything, If I Only Knew What It Was, and it was amazing. If you're having any kind of confusion or frustration about your goals and/or future, I recommend these wholeheartedly.

Link of the Day: Art Pad. An excellent, blue-ribbon, state fair-winning type of time waster.

Happy Almost Thursday!

MAN!  I can't stop writing about the searches people have done that pulled up my blog!  Every day they come in and just get more and more ridiculous!  Here are some gems from today:

Traffic Cop Dancing

white girl dreadlock picture

the biggest cock in the universe (Why did this pull up my blog?)

and

because i am starving

Why did someone type "because i am starving" into their search engine?  Why? Why?  I fear I shall never know.

So, WordPress has this fun "Blog Stats" page where we get to see how many people have viewed our blog and how they found it (but not who has viewed it, so if you're stalking me, breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know who you are. Stalk away, my little stalking friends).  It shows search terms people used, like in Google, that pulled up my blog.  Some of them are very, very funny.  Such as:

wearing pigtails

birthday gift for 27 year old woman

forth of july baby clothes

"panties were exposed"

pet penguin under stairs japan

pet penguin living under stairs japan (someone really wants to learn more about a penguin under some stairs in Japan)!

kate gets spanked

hyperventilate during tennis match

"first time I got drunk"

belly explode

And my favorite:

PICTURES OF WOMEN CRYING BEING SPANKED

I can't believe people are searching for those things on the internet! And that those terms are pulling up my blog! Hahaha.  So… I guess I unknowingly host a porn site? (And now that I have written that, a search for the word "porn" will undoubtedly now also bring up this site. I have probably just increased my traffic exponentially).  My new challenge: Write a post that includes a hyperventilating penguin with exposed patriotic panties spanking Kate, who is wearing pigtails, under some stairs (in Japan, of course).  But nobody's belly explodes — that's just gross.

UPDATE: I checked again today, and found two more search terms people had used:

FROSTY ROOTBEER

and

nice porsche small penis

Gold. Pure gold.

Dumbledore says, “I would assume that you were going to offer me refreshment, but the evidence so far suggests that that would be optimistic to the point of foolishness.”  

Who out there is suffering from Harry Potter withdrawal?  Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 

Well, I know I’m not alone.  Do you know what’s the quickest fix for the ol’ ”When in Fawkes’ name is the seventh book coming out already?”  blues? That’s right!  A delicious glass of butterbeer!  I have created a recipe that combines the mystery and excitement of Hogwarts with the comfort and cameraderie of the Three Broomsticks – yet contains neither butter nor beer.  Here it is:

One part vanilla vodka

One part ginger ale

Pour over ice in a martini shaker

Hold tightly and shake gently over the sink until the fizziness causes the shaker lid to pop

Strain into frosty martini glasses

Garnish with a thin twist of lemon.

If you don’t have a shaker or martini glasses, you can serve on the rocks, in barrel-shaped beer mugs, of course. 

“And now Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”  — Albus Dumbledore

The other day I blogged about fertility drugs, something I do not and did not pretend to be an expert on, and today I saw that I have received my first catty comment from a stranger!  Someone named "Mon."  I think this shows that I have arrived, so to speak, in the blogosphere.  Score!

It is strange and unsettling, although a little exciting, to offend people.  When you're expected to go with the flow, not push buttons, and not ruffle feathers, as I think most American women are, it's a rather new experience to make people mad, specifically strangers.  It certainly wasn't my intention, but I guess you can't really write about stuff people are sensitive about without causing some negative reaction. 

Here is what Mon said:

Well lets hope that you are lucky enough that you will not have to resort to IVF or fertility drug treatment. I love the fact that your main preoccupation is on the the state of the woman’s belly rather than on the welfare of the kids.  

So: Aside from general crankiness and being a know-it-all, Mon is upset because I focused on the cosmetic issues (read: front butt) of having tons of babies at once rather than the issue of the babies' health.  Mon does an interesting thing here: Mon contradicts Monself in a way.  First, Mon is upset that I've said I don't think fertility treatments are always the answer.  (And note: I didn't say no one should ever consider fertility treatments, just that this couple maybe should have been more careful and/or been happy with the twins they already had).  I found a great article about problems with fertility drugs / in vitro fertilization here.  So anyway, first Mon gets mad at the point I'm making.  Then, Mon actually helps further my position by pointing out that having busloads of children in one sitting raises a lot of health issues not only for the mother but also for the children.  Thanks, Mon, for supporting my point of view.  And yes, it would suck to give birth to a litter of retarded children with missing fingers, but I thought discussing that would be a bit of a buzz kill. 

I have discovered the best blog on the internet: Threadbared.com.  I am openly jealous and angry that I didn't think of this first!  The women who write this are geniuses and deserve major awards and lots of money.

Just now I kind of jogged / trotted / power-walked to the bathroom, because: a. I had to pee pretty badly,and b. I am all jacked up on a big thing of tea I just drank.  I drink caffeine only often enough so that when I do, in any form, I get super jumpy and jittery, with energy to spare – so anyway, as I was trotting to the bathroom I thought about power walking, and how dorky it looks.

When I was younger, sometimes I would go on walks around the neighborhood with my mom, and she would always do that really ridiculous power-walking thing where you take really long steps, pump your arms like you're a jogger on speed, and swing your butt wildly back and forth.  It's a good workout, because it's a lot of high-powered dorkiness, all concentrated into one fluid motion.  I used to get all embarassed and loudly whisper, "Mom! Stop it!  That is soooo embarrassing!"

Then the summer after 8th grade I decided to do the Junior Olympics for track & field.  This is the part where you're all impressed, like, "Oooh, Jr. Olympics? Marcy, I had no idea you were such an athlete!"  And now here's the part where I come clean and admit that although I'd like you to go on thinking I was a star athlete in middle school, no, junior olympics was nothing to write home about, pretty much anyone could do it.  I did it because some of my friends did, and it was a good way to go socialize with them during the day rather than being made to do chores around the house. 

So anyway, we were at a meet one Saturday afternoon, and my events — the 800m and the high jump — were already done, and no, I hadn't won anything, especially not in high jump, I don't know why they always made me do that event, I was terrible at it.  I've never been very springy, and half the time I didn't jump at all because I was scared of hitting the bar — ouch!  I would just run at it, then scutter to a stop, then go back and try again, over and over until I either closed my eyes and threw my body directly into the bar or just got disqualified for too many false starts. 

But anyway, I had already finished not winning those two events when my coach came over to my friend Cherie and me and told us he had entered us in the race walk, because nobody else was registered in our division, meaning we would automatically win first and second place.  Was winning Race Walk a good thing or a bad thing?  Winning is usually a good thing, but I think the fact that it was race walk more than cancelled out anything "cool" about winning, not to mention that to win we didn't even have to beat anyone.  Well, it didn't matter, because our coach had already registered us, so we had to do it; we race-walked a whole mile, and it HURT!  Not only does that exercise look ridiculous, it uses muscles in the front of your shins that you never ever use for any other activity.  The rule with race walk is that you must have at least one foot on the ground at all times.  I've never wanted to run so badly in my life!  But we finished the race, giggling embarrassedly the whole time, and counted our steps up to the finish line so we would tie for first place: "One, two, three, STEP."  And we both got blue ribbons, which looked impressive until you turned them over and saw that the event was "Who can most quickly complete the ridiculous mom-walk."

I love the blogging community!  As I thoroughly demonstrated in my last two posts, I have been having tons of trouble adding photos to my blogs and was clueless as to how to add them full-sized.  So, I remembered that I'd seen one on another wordpress blog, that of one Mr. David O'Hara, and so I asked him how, and he told me, and now I know, and am liberated from thumbnails!  Thanks, Dave, you are the recipient of my second blout-out!

By the way, this is a random photo I grabbed for testing purposes.  It was taken at my friend Theo's American Citizenship Bowling party, on the night he got his American Citizenship.  Here's me, Brennan, Emily, and two of Emily's friends (on the far left and right) whose names I don't remember.  Sadly, Theo is not in this picture, but now that I know how to add full-size photos, perhaps I'll add more in the future from this memorable occasion. 

I told you you would be the blopic of my next post, but instead, something wonderful has happened that I must disclose immediately:

Cathryn Michon, grrl genius, has been my hero ever since I read her book The Grrl Genius Guide to Life. Now, while surfing around on iVillage, I have found her blog! And it's fantastic! I wasn't even looking for it. I was destined to find it!

You may remember that I was declared a certified genius recently, so I feel this latest discovery is a result of my subconscious genius seeking out others of its kind. It is manifest destiny! I'm not sure what that term means anymore, but it sounds good there, doesn't it? I used to know when I took history classes in high school, but I've plum forgotten. Anyway, one grrl genius mind stumbles upon the original grrl genius. If that's not manifest destiny, I am a monkey's uncle!

Hold tight Jeremy, your post is coming soon!

WELL! I am offended. Turns out, the Register.com ad at the bottom of my blog is because I'm using the website forwarding service they offered for "free" with my domain name account. Those meanies! I should have known there was a catch. As my dad always says, there's no such thing as a free lunch. Anyway, if you hate the ad as much as I do, you might as well just use this URL: www.baddminton.wordpress.com. A little harder to remember, but looks way better. Sorry!

Extra, extra, Read all about it! BaddMinton moves away from Friendster!

Well, Friendster, it's been real. You've been good to me, and I'll still keep my profile and photo albums here, but I cannot deal with all these extra ads. If I have ads on my blog, I want to be getting paid for them, and I'm not, and there are so many now it looks like poo.

I'm working on downloading wordpress and running my blog myself, but I don't have time to do it right now, and I literally cannot write another single entry on Friendster knowing how ugly it will look with the ads. So for now I'm going to blog on wordpress's hosted blogging platform. You'll still find all my archives and categories there. The only thing not there will be the photo albums.

The good news is, the only thing you'll have to remember is my blog will now (still) be located at www.baddminton.com. I'm not sure what this will mean for things like RSS feeds — probably nothing good — because the actual domain name is baddminton.wordpress.com, and i'm just having my domain name forwarded there until I have time to do it myself. I fear the moving around may be confusing, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm throwing caution to the wind!

So, Friendster Blogs, I guess this is goodbye! And Hello, WordPress! Please come visit me there, guys! www.baddminton.com. Be there or be square. Or something.

You may have noticed that the name of this blog, BadMinton, acquired an extra ‘d’ and is now BaddMinton. There is a reason for that, and a good one at that!  I tried to buy the domain name badminton.com, but as you may have guessed, it was already taken by a badminton company.  Hence, the two d’s, which I kind of like, because it seems to connotate more "badassminton" than "naughtyminton." So, you may now access this blog by typing baddminton.com into your
browser.  For some reason, if you type www. you won’t get to it, so
please just skip the w’s while I figure out  how to fix that.

The look of my blog may be changing soon as well, because I’m trying to find a different blogging platform I like.  I’ve already imported this blog to WordPress, but haven’t decided yet if it’s got all the features I’m looking for.  You can take a look and let me know what you think.  Right now it’s at www.baddminton.wordpress.com. 

The main difference for you is that in the future, instead of accessing my blog through Friendster, you’ll reach it through baddminton.com.  So maybe you should go ahead and bookmark that and get used to visiting it several times a day.