BaddMinton

OK, y’all, riddle me this:
We got a bunch of these paper plates at work, and I looked at them and for a second was like, “Oh, good — recycled!”
Then I took a closer look…

Those little rats! Right? They’re trying to fool old people and people who don’t read things carefully by pretending to be environmentally […]

I’m wearing my cranky pants today. Or maybe cranky shoes is more accurate, because it’s mostly because of my feet. As some of you know, I injured both of my feet in early December for the dumbest reason: I wore the wrong shoes in Disneyland. Ironically, these ones, that I was so excited about and […]

You may be familiar with my stance on the horrible injustice that is this: It is seven years past “the future” (the year 2000), and we still do not have personal robots to do our bidding and talk in adorable robot voices. If you’re not familiar with said stance, here’s a refresher.
Today on my morning […]

I have some adorable new sneakers that I’ve been wearing nonstop since I got them, but there’s one problem. The fabric on the inside of them is a nice fuzzy felt-y fabric. It feels delightful to the touch, but it grips my socks and tugs them down as soon as I start walking. I can’t […]

I had a store credit at Bloomingdales for a super fun amount, and I went there yesterday to try to spend it. I never usually shop at Bloomie’s, and at first I couldn’t find anything that I loved. I tried on tons of stuff, and the more I tried on, the less I could tell […]

Joanna and Jay, your requests and dedications are coming soon, but first we must discuss how I drove my roommate’s newish SAAB to work today while my oldish Mazda is in the shop, and how I am now spoiled forever.
I shall discuss some points of the newish SAAB and also some items regarding my oldish […]

Poor Sean Preston. He’s so cute!
I know. He can’t possibly have inherited any intelligence whatsoever.
(pause)
At least he’ll inherit some money.

Pop open a can of Mountain Dew, Ladies, because it’s time for X-TREME HAIR REMOVAL!
***
I’m pissed off. The topic? Bikini wax expectations. This is a relatively new thing, as in something that seems to have arisin within the last decade, and I’m not sure who exactly I have to thank for it. And […]

Yesterday I had an eye doctor appointment — and let me just interrupt myself here to ask you why we say “eye doctor” instead of “optometrist.” Why do we do that with eye doctors only? It’s never acceptable to say, “Aaaugh, I think I have a cavity. I’d better go to the […]

UM…. Am I in Pergatory? My worst nightmare is coming true. I was peeing in my favorite bathroom stall at the office yesterday (for information on which one is my favorite and why, see Appendix A), and mid-pee, what do you think happened? Yes. It flushed itself. I was all, “Wha…???” […]

So today is my day off, and just now I walked down to the bank to open a new savings account, and sat down to wait for someone at a desk to help me, and this dude walks up wearing jeans and a bright yellow and blue basketball jersey with "Fila" in huge letters across […]

I am outraged that Rebecca is out sick today!  I wanted to show her my new gold shoes.  How dare she get sick when I want to show her my shoes!  And they’re gold!  These shoes are especially special, because a week or two ago while at Ross Dress for Less looking in vain for […]

Is it just me, or are y’all with me? Weren’t we raised with the assumption that by the year 2000 we would all have personal robots? The kind that walk around saying things like “I-am-a-robot,” in robotic voices? They would do our homework, clean our rooms, and go get us Cokes […]

Automatic-flush toilets were sent here from hell, to remind us of the punishment that may await us if we’re not careful.  I hate them, with every fiber of my being.
I’ll tell you, I like the automatic faucets — easy, saves water, and as a germaphobe, I appreciate not having to touch bacteria-infested surfaces more than […]