BaddMinton

I went back into the bathroom after typing that blentry and didn’t see a single spider. Woke up in the morning, no suspicious bites anywhere. Phew! I thought I was home free. Until last night, when I’d just gotten out of the shower and was leaning over with my hair upside down while I dried […]

Y’all, this is so trippy. I’m pretty sure my future self accidentally called my present self from a plane at LAX. I got this voicemail — the kind where someone’s phone accidentally dials you so there’s just muffled talking for a minute or two, and I swear to you I hear myself talking to someone… […]

You all know the Christmas Newsletter. Some people love them, some hate them. Personally, I like receiving them because I like to know what my friends are up to, and I’ll be the first to agree that it’s easier to share news with everyone all at once rather than one at a time (see also: […]

The Christmas Spirit has siezed me in a firm grip. I am nearly maniacal with love and cheer. Right now I’m at work, and it’s blissfully slow, and there are various treats from Harry & David set out on a table, and I got a big, fat pear and am waiting impatiently for it to […]

Welllll, as most of you already know, I dropped my cell phone in the toilet at work on Monday. I emailed a bunch of people in my address book to ask for phone numbers, and I got so many sympathetic and hilarious replies back, it made my day. It’s pretty great that I have so […]

Y’all, what is the matter with me? I’m sorry I haven’t written a blentry in forever. I just keep getting distracted with things. Yesterday, for example, there was a one-legged cricket in my bathroom all day. Every time I went to pee, I eyed him suspiciously to make sure he knew I would not tolerate […]

When you find yourself wearing one white sock with lace around the ankle and one multicolored Curious George sock, it is time to do laundry.

Where can I purchase a baby? I haven’t been to Target in a couple years; do they sell them there? How much will a top-of-the-line baby set me back? Fifty bucks? A hundred? I’m out of touch. Should I check Consumer Reports?
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Something spooky is happening to me. Perhaps my female peers can relate. It […]

I think it was my friend Missy who told me this story. 4th of July 2004, she was at a party on a boat, and there was a girl there who wasn’t from around these here parts and didn’t speak the best English and didn’t always quite get what was going on, but always pretended […]

Yesterday I impulsively put down a deposit for my bike! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I’m already second-guessing myself, because this weekend I also found the keyboard I wanted, and I had decided to get it and wait on the bike. But then I saw someone with the bike, and he went on and on about how it’s […]

Oh, Did You Know? I’m a Genius.
I’ve got the post-it certificate to prove it (see exhibit A) (and thank you, Rebecca) and lots of other hard evidence… but most importantly, while driving home from work yesterday at breakneck speed, a flash of inspiration hit me like an enemy bogey. I decided that from that very […]

A series of haikus that all go together to form a haiku voltron of sorts
Sticky snails are much
cuter than their east-coast friends
the slugs. UGH! gross slugs.
When it rains they play
on the steps outside the house
then they get stranded
Hey, Joe! Help me, please
we need to rescue these snails
before they dry out.
They’re startled at first
plus they’re dehydrated […]

But I covet nonetheless. There are two expensive things I want. Scratch that… there are lots of expensive things I want, but two right now I am close to buying, and while the purchase of these things might make me feel guilty, because I know I should take that money and invest it or […]

When I wrote this blentry, I could not, in my wildest dreams most terrifying nightmares, have imagined this:

I have no words, because the tackiness has caused my brain to explode. Now I am dead. Goodbye.

OK, cowboy, rope that pony in before you get any ideas. I just mean I need a little discipline.
Wow, that sounds dirty, too. Is it hot in here?
Alright. Let’s start over. I have no self discipline. Did I ever have any? I can’t remember. But for the last few weeks I have been going to […]