Archive for June 29, 2005

V.I.B.F.

June 29, 2005

I am very important.  I have a very important job.  Some may say I am a "V.I.P." and that my job is "high-profile."   I’ll give you an example.  Just moments ago I edited and sent out the following press release:

Bigfoot — Imminent Capture Anticipated

Highlights include:

BURLINGAME, CA — 06/29/2005 — "The elusive creature known as Bigfoot may not be elusive for very much longer," according to C. Thomas Biscardi, a Bigfoot explorer and founder of the Great American Bigfoot Research Organization.

In the next few days, Biscardi will begin an investigation into a cavernous area near Happy Camp, California, in which he expects to find evidence of Bigfoot inhabitation and hopefully be able to contain and capture a live creature.

"This is a high stakes, high risk, scientific and commercial expedition," according to Biscardi. A recent two-and-a-half minute videotape of a Bigfoot sighting in Manitoba, Canada, was recently sold for an undisclosed sum to the television program "A Current Affair." The undisclosed sum, according to Biscardi’s sources, "is purported to be in the high six figures."

Information about previous Bigfoot sightings by Biscardi is available on the web site of the Great American Bigfoot Research Organization at www.greatamericanbigfoot.com

SOURCE:  Great American Bigfoot Research Organization

While exclaiming about the extreme newsworthiness of the release, my colleague informed me that she had edited the following release this morning:

Loch Ness Monster’s Tooth Found??

It’s all in a day’s work.

Aaaaaaaaaargh!

June 21, 2005

What is the deal with those moral lectures they now give us at the movies?  Do you know what I’m talking about?  Is it only in L.A.?  Every time I *pay* (lots and lots of money) to go see a movie, there is a commercial telling me not to buy pirated movies or download movies illegally from the internet.  It used to be that boring stunt guy.  They had that one in every movie for at least 2 years.  Now it’s the "You wouldn’t steal a handbag… " wannabe artsy / "Traffic"-esque, shaky-filmography one that’s supposed to scare me into not buying pirated movies.  My favorite part is when it says "STEALING IS AGAINST THE LAW" or something to that effect.  Like I’m going to be like, "Oh, it is?  OH, well, I was planning to stop by my friendly pirated-movie vendor on the way home, but now I won’t because this informative commercial has educated me on the fact that stealing is against the law."  Really people.  It reminds me of the time in first grade when Cheyenne Ruddle’s cousin Amanda Garringer stole my friend Sandra Ramsey’s sparkly red pencil, and stuck it down her UNDERWEAR!  — It was the kind of pencil with all the little leads that you take out the front and stick in the back when they get dull, pushing a fresh, sharp lead to the front — Sparkly_pencils and I was like, "Sandra, you should call the police.  Stealing is against the law!"  And she was like, "Yeah, we could say Cheyenne Ruddle’s cousin (because at the time we couldn’t remember that her name was Amanda Garringer, b/c she was new) stole my pencil, and put it in her UNDERWEAR."  "Yeah!" I said.  We were all set to call the cops that afternoon, and they would totally have busted Cheyenne Ruddle’s cousin, because STEALING IS AGAINST THE LAW, but I think Miss Cole took care of the problem before we made it that far.  Anyway, come on.  Don’t you think you’re preaching to the chior just a little bit?  I mean, we all paid $11.75 to get into the blasted movie and have already been subjected to 1/2 hr. of commercials and are about to sit through 1/2 hr. of previews.  Spare us.  Please.  Please please please please please. 

Yay, I’m a blogger!

June 21, 2005

So, this is my first blogging experience, and I am beside myself with excitement.  Not really, but I am kind of excited.  I would say that I am moderately to very excited. 

I recently gave in and set up a MySpace account, because I thought I couldn’t use the name I wanted to use for my blog (BadMinton) here on Friendster, because I am mildly to moderately retarded at technology.  (Can I talk about MySpace on Friendster?  I have a feeling it’s frowned upon… but watch open-mouthed as I boldly exercise my first amendment right to discuss one friend-y oriented website on another friend-y type site.  Yes, my friends, I am "BadMinton." )Turns out I can use that name, or any name I want to.  Anyway, the point is, MySpace frightened me.  Within about 12 hours I had 33 new friend requests, and an innumerable number of messages.  Most of these (with a couple exceptions) were from apparent sleazebags whose only MySpace friends seem to be female porn stars, judging from their lack of clothing, abundance of makeup, pouty lips, and the doing-of-splits — not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

The typical message had a subject line saying something to the effect of "You are HOT!!" But my favorite was this one:  "Hey, I’m unable to send a friend request to you. This sucks, you are very babalicious, and I want to have you for a myspace friend."

I now realize my mistake:  I only had one readily available photo on my computer at work, so I just used that one — and I happened to be dressed as rollergirl : 1979_me2 Hence the innocent assumption of the guys who are only friends with porn stars that "Hey, why not add a 70s porn star to my list of ‘friends’? Why not diversify"? They can’t be blamed.  Plus, have you seen my butt in those shorts? ;)