Archive for May 19, 2008

Update to the Great Spider Crisis of ’08

May 19, 2008

I went back into the bathroom after typing that blentry and didn’t see a single spider. Woke up in the morning, no suspicious bites anywhere. Phew! I thought I was home free. Until last night, when I’d just gotten out of the shower and was leaning over with my hair upside down while I dried off, and saw a baby spider dangling off my hair. Yes, repelling down his web, which was attached to my hair.

The saga continues.

Hypothetical Question:

May 18, 2008

How many spiders do you reckon come in a litter? A litter? Is that the correct term? or a batch, maybe? Like, if a mommy spider lays eggs, how many baby spiders generally do you think will be in that batch?

I ask because, well, I was about to wash my face just now and I happened to look up and see a teeny, tiny adorable spider dangling from the ceiling. And look, there was another one, hanging beside it! How cute! I thought. They’re dangling together and it looks like they’re about to kiss each other. Isn’t that sweet? Boy, are they tiny. Oh, look… there’s another one on the wall… and two more up higher… and three or four more on the ceiling… Wait a minute…

I don’t usually kill spiders, even when they’re in my room, unless they’re all chunky and gross and all up in my grill & stuff. We kind of have a live and let live policy, spiders and me. I like them because they kill other bugs, and I don’t really feel threatened by them unless they’re like huge with colorful patterns on their backs or something. Sometimes I put them outside — The daddy longlegs I used to just grab by a leg and hang them out the window until they latched onto the window box or a tree, but then one time I accidentally pulled off the leg and felt bad. If they’re really in my way (like in my shower when I’m about to get in), I try to get them to crawl onto a piece of paper, then put them outside. If they’re not in my way, we both just give each other a respectful nod and go about our business.

However: Sorry dudes, but I can’t have an entire army legion of spiders living in my bathroom. While I hold nothing against them, I can’t say I relish the idea of having four or five of them trapezing over my head while I brush my teeth.

So this is why I killed as many as I could reach just now, and this is why I probably should figure out how many more I will likely have to contend with. OK, here goes nothing:

***

OK! So… bad news! After Googling “How many spiders in a litter” and “How many spiders in a batch,” and coming up empty, I tried the simple and straightforward “spider eggs,” and found out from Britannica.com that “Female spiders produce either one egg sac containing several to a thousand eggs or several egg sacs each with successively fewer eggs.” I’m sorry. Did you guys see the word “thousand,” because I’m pretty sure I just read something that said there could be A THOUSAND BABY SPIDERS LIVING IN MY BATHROOM. I’m so scared to go back in there right now and see swarms of tiny arachnids gallavanting around, using up all the toilet paper, taking long showers, using my toothbrush, and generally acting like they own the place. Y’all, what am I going to do? First of all, how am I going to wash my face tonight, and secondly, what if I go to sleep and they run out and attack me in the night? Now I’m feeling all itchy and am pretty sure they’re biting me right now as I’m typing this!

Aaaaahhhhhh!

To be continued… if I live through the night!

Evening Swim

May 14, 2008

It’s dusk in Sayulita

Night one of our adventure

The air is warm, the ocean warmer

Sun sets on one side, Full moon rises on the other

and we are in between

Reflections on the water like yellow glass

Dinner has settled

Drinks have gone to our heads

We smile and spin, drowning in the romance

and holy mother shit, are those dogs humping our stuff?

Those dogs are humping our stuff!

Oh, disgusting!

Get away! Shoo! Go!

Yeah, that’s right.
Sheesh.

Back in the water. Ahhhhh.

Lean head back and go under

Moonlight glimmers overhead

Reflections so bright we’re floating in mirrors

We drift away into nothing and everything

Warm breeze blows

So calm we can taste it

And mother fucker, they are at it again!

Fuck this shit, I’m going inside.