Archive for November 13, 2009

Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Brrrrrt!

November 13, 2009

Today as I was leaving the gym, I turned on the radio and heard the last of a story about a group picking out Hebrew names for all the planets or something. When they got to Uranus, both dj and guest admitted that the English word should be changed, too. There’s nothing good about that name; I think we can all agree on that. And it reminded me of a project in Mr. Hutchinson’s Earth Science class in high school. We were all assigned planets, and we had to give presentations on them. Uranus was assigned to me, and in my presentation, I did what I felt any self-respecting highschooler would and should do: I planned out my sentences to sound like I was talking about your butt. You’d do that, too, right? Things like, “Uranus has a pock-marked surface.” Gold, right? Well, nobody in that class so much as even snickered! Crickets! Literal crickets! I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here, but I was always under the impression that Uranus, like farts, is always funny. Yes, we’ve all heard it before. But it’s still funny! Just like farts! I have no doubt that farts have been funny since the dawn of time, and always will be. And the same goes for Uranus, as far as I’m concerned. And if I can’t count on my fellow highschoolers to laugh at those things, on whom then, can I rely? It’s an unsettling thought. Almost as unsettling as the toxic gases emitted from Uranus.