Archive for October 6, 2010

Addendum to Insurance Rant

October 6, 2010

I got to thinking just now. I wonder what the executives at my insurance company (American Heritage Life Insurance Company, part of Allstate Workplace Division) (in case anyone is googling it to see if it’s any good) (it isn’t) is doing with all the money I’m sending them each week. I know one thing they’re NOT doing with it, and that is helping me pay for my medical expenses. So what do you reckon they’re using it for?

Maybe they go to the zoo each week — the whole company just takes a zoo day. Hey, that might also explain why I have to wait on hold for so long when I call! They can’t answer the phone, because they’re all at the zoo buying lemonades with my money! I think we’re getting somewhere with this.

Maybe they order things out of those catalogs for old people, like rubber mats you put in front of the sink, or theraputic toe-separating slippers, or suction-cup handles you stick on the shower wall to help you get in and out of the tub. You think? They sure could buy a lot of those things with my money, because I sure do send them a lot of it!

Maybe they rent limousines every weekend and get dressed up and drive around their cities drinking booze, hanging out the sunroof, and catcalling passersby.

Maybe they buy ugly, gaudy gold jewelry, or bad Christmas sweaters, or golf shoes. Or maybe they just put it toward their country club memberships. Or maybe they get their shoes shined 10 times a day.

Or maybe they give it to charity, because they’re so interested in helping people and making the world a better place. HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! Ohhhhh.

Do y’all have any speculations? I’d love to hear them!

Insurance Rant

October 6, 2010

Hi! I’m mad, so I’m going to rant about it on my blog. I just found out that my claim for a basic, yearly lady visit to the OB-GYN was denied by my health insurance plan (American Heritage Life Insurance Company, part of Allstate Worksplace Division). Sure this was a mistake, I called them, only to be told that they don’t cover preventive care. No, they’d rather that I never go to the gynecologist, get cervical cancer, and then ask them to pay to get that fixed. That is what seems logical to them.

I am paying $160 every month out of my own shallow little pocket for health insurance that gives me next to no coverage for anything. And there are groups of politicians who are trying to repeal Obama’s healthcare reform, which isn’t nearly as perfect as it could have been, but it’s still a giant step in the right direction, and in many ways, it’s holding insurance companies responsible for their behavior. Anyway, if you are one of these people, I urge you to come and tell me to my face that you want me to have to continue to pay out the nose for nothing in exchange, and that you’d rather have me get cancer than have “big government” in your business. Yeah, because, um… big, evil, greedy business is so much better. Insurance companies don’t give a flying f**k about you or me, and yet they have all the power.

So better yet, if you don’t want health-insurance reform, why don’t I send you my $260 doctor’s bill?

On a lighter, yet related, note, watch my friend Jonathan’s video, which is one of my favorites ever.