1. I quit my office job. (Yayayayay! After 5 years straight of being office girl, for the last month and a half I have been unemployed girl, and it’s been a wonderful break, although I’m starting to get a little antsy). So anyway, maybe I always have to find something to be discontented about. Now that I can no longer be tired of my job, maybe the only thing to be tired of is the city. Maybe? I don’t know.

2. Um, I totally just blanked on the second reason! It’s coming, I know… OH, yes, here we go: I haven’t been on a long vacation since Jep was a pup, or since you were knee high to a grasshopper. The last place I went, other than home to North Carolina for Christmas, was to Mexico for 5-ish days last October for my friend American Virginia’s wedding. That was wonderful, but I don’t think I was away long enough to fully recharge.

3. (I just thought of a third). The SMOG, you guys, is totally out of control this summer. My chest has been burning for months, and I got a cold for the first time in at least 3 years, and I’m convinced it’s because the smog caused a bunch of goop to build up in my lungs and sinuses, which made an ideal home for the cold virus to lodge on its vacation in my body. See? Even the cold virus is traveling! Shouldn’t I?

So… now that I’m unemployed and untethered, Operation Travel shall commence! The bad news for me is that I don’t have a great deal of money (see #1), so going anywhere far, far away or for a long time is out of the question. My weeks-long tour of Japan, hiking in the Andes, and skiing in New Zealand will have to wait a little longer. Instead I’m going to New York next Wednesday for 6 days to perform with one of my improv groups in the Del Close Marathon, and most excitingly, I’m planning a trip to Seattle next month with my friend Elise. I’ve never been, and I’ve always wanted to, and right now the thought of rain makes me want to run around in circles with excitement. Just for something different, and for some clean, fresh air to breathe, and to be able to look out the window and actually see what’s there rather than know there is a beautiful landscape that I can’t see because it’s buried in haze.

P.S. The whole time I’ve been typing this, something on me smells good, and I can’t figure out what it is. My hands smell pretty good, but I don’t think that’s it… maybe it’s my deodorant? Oh, gosh, nope, definitely not that. Hmmm. I think it is my hands, actually. But I don’t know why! Neither my soap nor my lotion smells like that. Maybe it’s a combination that chemically combined to create this new delicious aroma. Must be. OH! I just figured it out. I got home and my feet were filthy because I’d been wearing flip flops all day, so I washed them in the sink with this new bath gel I got (Alba Botanica honey mango) (mmmm). And I also got some of it on my hands, obviously. Mystery solved!

P.P.S. I realize this blentry is totally boring, but at least I wrote something, right? Right? mmm?

The saga continues.

I ask because, well, I was about to wash my face just now and I happened to look up and see a teeny, tiny adorable spider dangling from the ceiling. And look, there was another one, hanging beside it! How cute! I thought. They’re dangling together and it looks like they’re about to kiss each other. Isn’t that sweet? Boy, are they tiny. Oh, look… there’s another one on the wall… and two more up higher… and three or four more on the ceiling… Wait a minute…

I don’t usually kill spiders, even when they’re in my room, unless they’re all chunky and gross and all up in my grill & stuff. We kind of have a live and let live policy, spiders and me. I like them because they kill other bugs, and I don’t really feel threatened by them unless they’re like huge with colorful patterns on their backs or something. Sometimes I put them outside — The daddy longlegs I used to just grab by a leg and hang them out the window until they latched onto the window box or a tree, but then one time I accidentally pulled off the leg and felt bad. If they’re really in my way (like in my shower when I’m about to get in), I try to get them to crawl onto a piece of paper, then put them outside. If they’re not in my way, we both just give each other a respectful nod and go about our business.

However: Sorry dudes, but I can’t have an entire army legion of spiders living in my bathroom. While I hold nothing against them, I can’t say I relish the idea of having four or five of them trapezing over my head while I brush my teeth.

So this is why I killed as many as I could reach just now, and this is why I probably should figure out how many more I will likely have to contend with. OK, here goes nothing:

***

OK! So… bad news! After Googling “How many spiders in a litter” and “How many spiders in a batch,” and coming up empty, I tried the simple and straightforward “spider eggs,” and found out from Britannica.com that “Female spiders produce either one egg sac containing several to a thousand eggs or several egg sacs each with successively fewer eggs.” I’m sorry. Did you guys see the word “thousand,” because I’m pretty sure I just read something that said there could be A THOUSAND BABY SPIDERS LIVING IN MY BATHROOM. I’m so scared to go back in there right now and see swarms of tiny spiders gallavanting around, using up all the toilet paper, taking long showers, using my toothbrush, and generally acting like they own the place. Y’all, what am I going to do? First of all, how am I going to wash my face tonight, and secondly, what if I go to sleep and they run out and attack me in the night? Now I’m feeling all itchy and am pretty sure they’re biting me right now as I’m typing this!

Aaaaahhhhhh!

To be continued… if I live through the night!

Night one of our adventure

The air is warm, the ocean warmer

Sun sets on one side, Full moon rises on the other

and we are in between

Reflections on the water like yellow glass

Dinner has settled

Drinks have gone to our heads

We smile and spin, drowning in the romance

and holy mother shit, are those dogs humping our stuff?

Those dogs are humping our stuff!

Oh, disgusting!

Get away! Shoo! Go!

Yeah, that’s right.
Sheesh.

Back in the water. Ahhhhh.

Lean head back and go under

Moonlight glimmers overhead

Reflections so bright we’re floating in mirrors

We drift away into nothing and everything

Warm breeze blows

So calm we can taste it

And mother fucker, they are at it again!

Fuck this shit, I’m going inside.

Coincidence?

I think so.

That said, it’s high time for a blentry, and I always find that an easy way to start back after a long hiatus is always a Loving and Hating. So here goes!

I am loving:

Spring! It’s always my favorite, and that will never change. On Monday I was suuuper sleepy, and at lunch I walked to a nearby park, spread out my straw beach mat, and fell immediately into a deep sleep. Within seconds I was twitching, and a half hour later I woke up with a start, cheek in a puddle of drool (you’re welcome), the blazing sun cooking me like a tender rotisserie chicken. Ohhhh, I will never stop appreciating sunshine and warm weather.

I am hating:

That some jackball scratched my Blubaru and didn’t leave a note. My “new” car now has 3 dings, a huge dent, and a scrape. Ahhh, L.A.

Loving:

That I did my taxes early(ish) this year. I’m so proud of myself! I got someone to do them for me, and we itemized! New fun for me. This is in sharp contrast to last year, the year before, and every year before that, when I have waited until the very last possible minute.

Hating:

My short attention span. What gives? I can’t seem to sit through a movie or do any one thing for more than an hour. I have this constant frenetic energy while somehow also being perpetually exhausted. Have I always been like this?

Loving:

My current set of roommates. I miss Danielle a lot, but my old friend Lauren moved in, and we found a great guy on Craigslist named Robb, and he’s going to be bringing his dog in a couple months. I’ll have a furry friend at home that I don’t have to take care of! Lucky me!

Also Loving:

My bike! I love riding around to run errands. I also love looking at it, because it is stunningly beautiful.

Also Loving:

The neighborhood I live in. Walking on the long streets with big trees never fails to restore balance for me. I love how if you stand on the sidewalk and look in one direction or the other, the sidewalk stretches like a long, long triangle until it reaches a point and you can’t see it anymore. There’s something about that view that speaks directly to my soul, and I know that if I ever leave this place, it’s an image I’ll have forever (and not just because I’ve photographed it a million times).

Finally, loving:

Pudding! Oh, I love pudding so much!

We got a bunch of these paper plates at work, and I looked at them and for a second was like, “Oh, good — recycled!”

Then I took a closer look…

Those little rats! Right? They’re trying to fool old people and people who don’t read things carefully by pretending to be environmentally friendly! #1, They call themselves “Green Label,” using a term traditionally used for earth-friendly merchandise. And even more ridiculous is this piece of BS: “Made from 100% paper; a renewable natural resource.” Well, what the hell else would paper plates be made of? Kittens?? And do they think we’re so dumb that we think trees are just totally renewable; that we can just chop them down willy nilly and re-plant them and immediatly have an insta-forest?

Those deceitful little rascals! Who are they trying to kid with this thing?! Me, obviously. Well, nice try, buttheads. I’m hip to your jive.

1. I called myself from the future.

2. I called myself from an alternate universe in which I am a fabulous jetsetter.

If only I had picked up that call and could have gotten my attention! I would have asked myself so many questions about the future (provided conclusion 1 is the one we’re going with). For example, I could have asked myself if I’ve met the man of my dreams, if I’ve achieved a fulfilling career, and most importantly if I’ve managed to get rid of the adult acne on my forehead.

Anyway, guys, this one has me stumped. The only thing we really know for sure is that phones in the future are freaking awesome. I mean, the iPhone has a lot of functions, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t dial back in time.